I miss Ramadan. I miss how the month was peaceful and I was able to concentrate solely on trying to get closer to Allah SWT. And then I realize that I am now in the first ten days of Dzul Hijjah, and it is a beautiful time to work on getting even closer to Allah SWT. Only I haven't been working hard enough.
Back in Ramadan, I put a break to my jobs in an effort to 'concentrate'. Something like a spiritual retreat, and I fell in love with the peacefulness a bit too much. I had the opportunity to learn and read all the spiritual books I had always wanted to read, and boy, did it fill my introverted soul with joy. The 'perfect learning moment' in my head had always been one filled with silence and peace. Just me and my books. Or just me and a teacher. Just us. Silence. Focus. Concentration. Peace.
But I realize now, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. We don't and can't always get opportunities to put everything on hold. I tried this time. Numerous times. But failed at each one, before realizing that THIS is my lesson. Maybe my lesson this time doesn't come from a book. Maybe my lesson this time doesn't come in a 'silent classroom'. But it doesn't mean that I cannot or do not learn.
I am swamped with jobs currently. And honestly, managing them in between a screaming toddler, my mind does get into a mess. Sometimes I secretly wish I didn't say yes to certain job offers or collaboration offers, sometimes I want to give up, sometimes I wish I could go back to Ramadan again where I could focus only on one thing.
But maybe staying patient in between the hectic schedules is my greatest lesson this time. And being grateful for the job offers is another. Thinking of Allah SWT and crying to Him when I can't manage things, that's definitely one.
I hardly get the time to read a book and learn in a peaceful silent environment now, but I am still learning.
Isn't it amazing how Allah provides us with countless lessons in every single circumstance? SubhanAllah. May we always see the lessons, may we always learn. Ameen.